A newsletter on audience research and development for cultural leaders. One reader calls it, "sometimes funny"

The heat from your Wi-Pi wakes you up.

“You’ve got the logo imprinted on your cheek. I hope that’s not permanent.”

You rub your branded head. “Probably the settings or maybe—”

“Or maybe pillows aren’t meant to be connected to the internet. And maybe people’s faces aren’t meant to sleep on ovens. And maybe alarm clocks have produced sounds, not heat, for decades for a reason.”

“Came with a good return policy.”

“Is there a return policy on waking up in flames? I’m making coffee.”

You press your temples and open your inbox.

Lieutenant McCabe says the files are ready; The forensics expert has agreed to testify; The boardroom bug was acting up, but it looks like you’ve got Lowry on tape. The evidence is damning—

“Your Wi-Co is ready, Captain Tech-Nerd-I-Can’t-Believe-I-Married-You. Your virtual assistant told me you like a little cream and sugar.”

“I’ll be right there.”

You notice a newsletter from MCN.

Subject: “Join us for #MCN2020 Week 2!”
Subhead: The Commission is meeting—We don’t have much time. Check your Wi-Pi for the recordings.

Screenshot of an email about MCN with handwritten message, "Check your Wi-Pi"

A courier arrives. “Sign for this.”

“Sign for what?”

“Sign for what you signed up for.” He cocks his head at you. “You signed up for this, didn’t you?”

“Listen, if this is about the newsletter — I mean — I did an Ignite Talk, but I don’t know about any—”

The courier drops the package on your shoes and returns to his SUV.

“Your Wi-Co is getting cold. Should I pour in some of your pillow to heat it up?”

You follow the package into your office and lock the door.

This is it. This is the proof you’ve been working toward. All these years you’ve been undercover, and it’s finally here — the evidence you’ve been working for. This is proof that these museums — this Commission — are working against the interests of their communities. For years, the FBI tried to transform museums — They saw the corruption and tried to address the problem by prosecuting employees. But prosecuting individual crimes didn’t work. Sure, maybe you put a handful of soldiers behind bars every year, but in a lucrative business like this, there’s always another soldier standing by to take their place.

That’s when the government realized: If we want to change museums, we need to prosecute museums as organizations.

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We can’t keep busting security guards for being “unfriendly” or putting visitor services employees in cuffs for not knowing that donors don’t have to wear masks.

Under President Biden’s new law — The 2021 C’Mon Man, Let’s Try To Serve Our Communities, Man Act (CMMLTTSOCM) — we’re able to collect the evidence we need to prove that these museums are ignoring the goals of the people in their communities…

“THE OVEN ISN’T WORKING. SHOULD I JUST USE YOUR PILLOW?”

You put your headphones on and begin to listen.

We’d like to call this board meeting to order and thank Joey Two-Times for the spread — I mean, this Balsamic Green Bean Salad — Marone!…

To be continued.

Kyle

P.S. If today’s letter seems weird, it’s because it is. Isabella and I are working on some new challenge cohorts for The MAP Community, and this is one glimpse into a world that participants might step into as they try to explore new ways to view their professional efforts.

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